All Knocked Up
by Samurai101
Summary: Iruka's been knocked up, and Kakashi's about to get strung up for Chuunin abuse.::pointless humor::


Iruka was a Chuunin on inactive duty, normally called a 'desk monkey'. He really didn't mind. Mission were overrated and ended up putting you in the hospital. Besides, Iruka got enough excitement out of being a teacher. There was a job that never got old, no matter how many times he almost sat on exploding tags or saved students from errant sharp objects. His file might say Iruka was inactive, but he probably got more exercise and more 'AAA! Holy CRAP!' moments than the active duty people.

He was also part of a rather tight knit group of Chuunin who mostly did mission desk duty. He was the youngest, and therefore the 'baby'. He didn't mind that much either. People fed him, and even at twenty-two Iruka's metabolism hadn't slowed down at all. He blamed it on the kids he spent all day running after. They kept him young...except for the wrinkles, grey hairs, and frown lines...

Iruka dragged himself into the missions desk room feeling more tired and head-achey than normal. He managed to ooze into a chair before Suzume, also known as cooking-baking goddess, noticed him. Iruka, intending to lean his head down on the invitingly cool table, didn't see her till it was too late. He didn't hear her either: Suzume was part cat.

The woman's long fingered hand caught Iruka's chin and twisted his face towards the light. "And what happened to you?" She asked, eye glasses flashing. The only reason this scary woman wasn't still on active duty was her bad eyesight.

"Eregh?" Iruka felt a pulse of pain from the left side of his face. "Oh, that. I got a little knocked up yesterday." He waved a hand at her and half smiled. The left side of his face did not like smiling anymore. In fact, Iruka would go so far as to say it hated the motion. That was sad, since Iruka liked smiling.

"You got knocked up?" Suzume asked, adjusting her glasses. Iruka felt her long thin finger prod his cheek.

"Hai!" Iruka half smiled again.

"You got knocked up? By who? How does that work?" Kotetsu asked. He was a desk monkey that actually was on active duty. He just got mission desk duty a lot. He caused less property damage that way.

"Kakashi, and how doesn't it work?" Iruka asked. He blinked and tried to turn his head away from the light. "Um, could you not be so loud? My head's a little..." Something. He couldn't think of the word. Swollen? Wobbly? Sick? Whatever it was it didn't like bright lights or loud sounds.

"This," Suzume said with a look to Kotetsu. "Isn't normal. This is a massive hemorrhage, and I wouldn't be surprised if he's concussed."

"Oh, I am!" Iruka agreed. "Just a little, but I am. I can still work." He half smiled away at them. Suzume and Kotetsu exchanged glances. Izumo, who fell into the same category as active duty desk monkey as Kotetsu, finally came over to look.

"What happened?" Izumo asked.

"He got knocked up," Kotetsu said with a funny face. "Izumo, is that possible?"

"Eerrr," Izumo shrugged. "Who did it?"

"Hatake Kakashi," Suzume said Kakashi's name like he was some bug smeared across a window.

"He apologized," Iruka said, sensing the menace growing around him. "I think..." Suzume muttered something about battered Chuunin, and Kotetsu was scowling.

Fate, which has a wicked and twisted sense of humor, sent Gekkou Hayate and none other than Hatake Kakashi waltzing into the mission room at that moment. Kakashi was immediately pierced fatally with three glares. Fortunately for Kakashi, looks did not kill. If they did, he would have died years ago.

"Iruka, how's your face?" Kakashi asked nonchalantly. Suzume's glasses flashed, and there was a noticeable rise of tension in the air.

"Better, but I'm concussed. Next time we're supposed to keep away from faces and door frames, 'kay? Maybe out in a training field would be better." Iruka babbled.

Hayate sighed. "I told you two you needed more space, but..."

"Gomen, Hayate! I will forever more take your advice in such matters!" Iruka promised. Kakashi grunted something.

"I think, Iruka has done quite enough with you, Kakashi-san." Suzume's voice was dripping malice.

Kakashi looked a little startled, and realized too late he was trapped in a room with three murderous looking Chuunin. One Chuunin alone he could deal with, but not a pack of Chuunin all glaring with killing intent. "Erm, okay? I mean, I doubt we'll have another demonstration for the class for a while. They seemed to understand everything very well."

"The class?" Kotetsu squeaked.

"Oh, yeah, Kakashi and I were doing demonstrations for my class yesterday!" Iruka explained happily. "Hayate, I'm hungry."

"What," Suzume interposed herself between Kakashi and Iruka. "exactly were you two demonstrating?"

"Demonstrating?" Iruka blinked, still caught on the train of thought 'I'm hungry'.

"Throws and holds," Kakashi said blandly. "Iruka, by accident, got thrown into a door frame."

"Yup!" Iruka half grinned at them all.

"He's lucky the door frame broke and not his face," Hayate sighed. "I really should have made them go outside.

"But-but you said Kakashi knocked you up!" Kotetsu spluttered. Hayate went immediately beet red, and Kakashi's visible eyebrow did a speedy crawl towards his hairline.

"Yeah, he did! Right into the door frame," Iruka smiled blithely. "Whadd'you think I meant?"

* * *

**A/N:What? You thought this might be Kakairu?**

**Have you ever noticed how many slang phrases there are for sex? I blame the song 'Shut Me Up' by Mindless Self-Indulgence for this bit of random nonsense, and the fact that when anyone says 'knocked up' I think someone got punched or something. Okay, now review. please.**


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